Well, if I sounded frustrated... when I posted... I had just finished reading this on the webpage.
> Particle libraries are reliable. In addition to building and sharing our own high quality libraries, Particle verifies and promotes high quality community libraries that are fully documented, perform reliably, and include a variety of usage examples. Using our official and verified libraries means you'll spend less time debugging and more time building your project.
So yeah... I was like... "I beg to differ."
I think my Spark has a recent firmware as it says its running 0.60. I'm still not sure why the WEB IDE is making me feel clueless... but its succeeding in doing so.